Reminders

The reminders are the worst. Sometimes when there is a reminder clear and bold in my face I throw my fists in the air and say "Its not funny anymore, God." I was driving on the freeway yesterday and someones license plate holder said "Petersen Car Shows." Out of all the cars, all the freeways and all license plate holders, really? My last post was at 10:23 which is Ryans birthday. Every time I turn my ipod on shuffle either one of his songs comes up or Lady Antebellums "Need you now" which is only the worst break up song to listen to. I have 2000 songs on my ipod and those are what comes up!? Its just not funny.
I kind of had a realization with Ryans side on things. Although I believe he handled all of this quite poorly. My best friend broke up with his girlfriend this weekend and she has been trying to contact him and he is ignoring her kind of like Ryan did to me. Not because he didn't care but because he cares too much. My friend was crying and it would be too hard to talk to his ex girlfriend and that is how Ryan felt. Maybe he told me that but it was like a light bulb went off. There is a reason why he bolted and went the opposite direction when he saw me on the street! It is too hard for him to see me because its painful. He loved me for so long and there were expectations that either of us really wanted at one point. It was hard for him to break it off and commend him for knowing that it could not longer work because he was not willing to sacrifice what needs to be sacrificed in any relationship. I am saddened that he will not realize this with me but that is part of growing up. Living and learning. I miss him but this is necessary because who knows if he would have ever figured it out with me. I really wished and hoped he did but he didn't. Sometimes I secretly wish he would figure it out and want to see where that could take us and maybe it will but I need to realize and come to terms with that fact that that is just not going to happen. If I do come to terms with that and it turns out he does realize this then the surprise will be that much sweeter.